Monday, December 10, 2012

Republican Santa...

Republican Santa does not give coal to naughty children. Republican Santa gives coal to all children because he loves coal and thinks it is a wonderful Christmas gift.

I was thinking about the political leanings of Santa--which I do every year, pretty much.  Although one might see Santa's strong emphasis on children's welfare as a sign that Santa is a Democrat, the welfare state imagined by Santa is quite lean--not only is it limited to children, but it is also limited to Christian children.  Santa does not invite Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or non-theist children into the fold of his benevolent community even though his outlook appears quite international, especially because of his humanitarianism and aggressive advocacy of free trade (Notice his forceful opening of markets every December).  I would lean to Santa's being a Rockefeller Republican--someone with a social conscience but with a traditionalist bent and preference for the ideals of charity to be enacted by the private decisions of the benevolent super-rich rather than the people embodied in the government.

Regardless of Santa's leaning on a liberal-conservative scale on economics, one must say that he is firmly authoritarian with the surveillance state he operates over the world's children.

Another key question to address is whether or not the elves are unionized.  Or, a a friend of mine noted, are they even natives to the North Pole?  Were they imported as slaves?  Are they acolytes to a quasi-religious cult of Santa?  Are they indentured servants?  Are they free laborers?  Are the factories in the North Pole democratically governed?  I would like to know that the elves making my Christmas presents are receiving family-sustaining wages and generous pensions.

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